On Change

Here we are….on the last day of the year. When I was younger, that felt magical. When I hit high school, it just meant the end of the longest break from school for the year. In college I became all about the resolutions.

This year is different. I know I keep going back to it, but the two years since my grandparents and uncle passed have been under more scrutiny than any other time period in my life. Maybe that’s because it coincided with my 30th birthday. Maybe it’s because my family dynamic changed suddenly. All I know is that this December 31st is vastly different than any other December 31st that I can remember.

This year was a jumble of medical issues (broken finger, infected finger, having strep twice, more fighting with anxiety and depression), and a roller coaster at work. Opening the outpatient clinics, the big Children’s Hospital move, and then winding up unemployed.

What I do know for sure is that change will happen. Independent of anything I do, change in inevitable. Knowing that makes the whole idea of resolutions silly. We are never the same people at the end of the year that we were in the beginning.

This coming year I want to focus on accepting change more readily. Last night I read Rage Planet, which is the first graphic novel featuring Jessica Cruz. This serves as the intro to the two new Lanterns, and is amazing beyond explanation for someone suffering from anxiety. Jessica’s partner, Simon Baz, is unimpressed with Jessica because of her struggles. However, through the course of the book, they come to trust each other and to see that even though flawed, there are reasons why each was chosen to be a Lantern.

I absolutely love the character of Jessica Cruz. She’s more than just a superhero. I can relate to her as a human being.

I know the Green Lantern interjection feels like I’ve fallen off course in this post – I haven’t. I promise. You see, rather than trying to change, I want to be better at handling change. I want to be able to go with the flow and not be so rocked by change. I want to believe in myself. I have Family and friends, and I know who I can count on to help. But I think it’s time I learn to believe in myself.

Change will come, whether we want it to or not. The only thing we have control over is how we handle it. This coming year, I am focusing on handling it with grace, optimism, and no small amount of self-forgiveness. I know this won’t be easy or immediate, but it feels like a goal worth working towards.

Have a safe and happy New Year, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve got this!

Good morning!

Well, here we are, six days into 2017. So far, so good. The worst of it was a week I spent in bed with an upper respiratoryhappynewyearmonsters-sm infection, courtesy of this crazy weather we’ve been having.

Before getting into any new posts, I thought I would take a moment and get us set up and ready. (Old habits die hard – especially for teachers!) I’ve decided to make some improvements, part of what Dipper and I call The Reclamation. I may have alluded to it in previous posts, but it’s the idea of reclaiming who you are after a particularly rough period in your life. It’s like resolutions, but more long-lasting.

Here are mine…

  • BETTER HEALTH. I am focusing on making the changes that I can make and stick to. For example, I’m on a 3-day streak of making my own breakfast before leaving for work. So far, what I’ve noticed is that I’m not starving by lunch, and my bank account has a little bit more padding. I’ll be adding biking and swimming at the gym when I’m better and fully over the aforementioned upper respiratory infection.
  • MOAR BOOKS. You can never have too many books! I joined Goodreads.com’s book challenge, stating by the end of 2017, I want to have read 79 books. I haven’t finished one yet, but I’m making good progress. I also want to sit in front of my bookshelves at some point and categorize all my books on Goodreads.com, so that I have everything catalogued. (Oh! And I also fell in love with my Kindle, some seven years after Tkout bought it for me. It’s never too late!)
  • CROCHET ALL THE THINGS! I still owe some crochet gifts to people for Christmas, and I was working on a 2016 temperature blanket. I want to finish those items, and then move forward. I miss learning new stitches, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have 12 bins of yarn. I want to plow through that, because nobody in their right mind needs that!
  • MOAR REVIEWS! I owe book reviews to a few authors. Now that my life is balancing out from my 2016 year in hell, I intend to make good on my review promises. And sooner. Reviews will be on Goodreads.com, Amazon.com, and of course, here on CharnelHouseReviews.com.
  • GROW UP. My husband and I have been in our house for four years. It’s time to really take stock of what I have, get rid of what’s no longer useful, and make space. Not to mention, I’m still bringing stuff over from my parent’s house. Most of which is from my teaching career.
  • NO MOAR DRAFTS. Before writing this post, I almost worked on a previous post from last Easter. But I decided my 2017 Declaration of Intent post should be first. I want to sort through my post drafts, finish some, trash others, and then start new in the new year.

Let’s make this year super groovy!

 

New Year, New Me….and Assorted Bullshit

new-yearI used to love New Year’s Resolutions, or rather, the idea of them. My longest running streak is most likely somewhere around about 9 days or so. I don’t expect this year to be largely different, because when you try to change your behavior, there are always setbacks. And do-overs. And moments when you basically nuke any progress that you’ve made. But you see, I’m ok with that. After everything that happened last year, I’m inclined to think that it’s not so much an annual thing, as it is an every day thing. They say that you only stop learning when you die. I intend to make that the case.

This year, there are some things I’d like to accomplish. In an attempt at being kinder to myself, here are some things I’d like to improve upon, not only in the coming year but going forward in general.

  • THE GYM – Dipper pointed out that if I tire myself out, I will have less energy to spend on stressing about nonsense. (My therapist calls this “being a moving target”. I’m not sure I like that phrase, because it gives too much power to my anxiety.)
  • DE-CLUTTER – I really really want to de-clutter my house, and my life. I have clothes I haven’t worn in years, tupperware without lids or bottoms, and other bric-a-brac that I can do without.
  • CROCHET – I need to finish my 2016 temperature blanket, and I am setting up to make one for my parents. I also want to work on learning more stitches.
  • CHR – I owe a few authors book reads and reviews. I intend to not only make good on that, but to do so in a more timely fashion in the future.
  • CLEANING – I want to get my house to a state where it’s more of an issue of upkeep, rather than having to rip the rooms apart and clean.
  • SELF – I will spend the rest of my life battling anxiety and depression. And that’s ok. The important part is to FIGHT. I intend to be kinder to myself going forward. (Every day above ground is a good day. – Dipper)
  • PRESENTS – Leaving the crafting presents until the last minute HAS GOT TO GO. This year, I did so much crochet, I thought I would be stitching in my sleep. I have to start sooner!

Here’s to a New Year, and all the shit that goes along with it!